Studies have shown that we humans have a tendency to punish ourselves when we feel guilty. I know for definite that I have done this many a time. The problem is that although long harboured feelings of guilt can leave us with psychological scars, many acts of self-punishment can actually leave us with greater ones. Both physical and mental acts against one’s self can be considered self-punishment depending on context. Despite common opinion to the contrary, acts of self-punishment are carried out by people that have shown no signs of diagnosable mental illness.
People habitually set themselves goals, whether actively or in a more subconscious way. Effective Self-leadership requires us to set goals and standards of behaviour for ourselves, but punishing ourselves for not reaching them immediately is counterproductive. Guilt is an important emotion that lets us know that we have failed to live up to the standards we have set ourselves, we should be grateful for this as it is something we can learn from. If though, we punish ourselves, either physically or mentally, we can cause a far more damaging emotional state. Shame.
Shame quickly leads to feelings of worthlessness and can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. The best way for people to cope with failure is to see it as a learning experience, a point from which to move forward. Thoughts of failure stem from a belief that we can do or be better, if this is the case we should reward ourselves for the self-awareness that we are destined for more.
If you have done all you are able to do, you should not feel an ounce of guilt for it. Stop punishing yourself for being human and reward yourself for seeing that you have room to grow.
Featured image Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/sad-isolated-young-woman-looking-away-through-fence-with-hope-3808803/
One response to “Self punishment, Why do we do it?”
Thank you for sharing this series! I have definitely spent way too many hours punishing myself.
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